Strengthen Self-Talk
Several years ago, I was at this outdoor art fair. There was an artist there whose medium I can hardly describe in words. He made works of art out of things like black steel, motorcycle chains, and car parts. The pieces were objects such as metal skulls and the like. Each work looked like something out of a Mad Max film and was phenomenal. I was checking out one of his pieces when the artist approached me. He was so cool. He had long blonde hair and wore these Michael Jackson-like sunglasses, which by the way were long out of style by that time. He was such a unique guy as most true artists are. I proceeded to tell him how unbelievably good his art was. I’ll never forget his response. He literally flipped a lock of his hair behind an ear like some kind of leading role film star and then responded with four words I’ve never forgotten. “I can’t help it.”
He was so confident. I actually thought he was joking at first. I quickly realized he was not. Call it arrogance. Call it delusional. Call it what you will, but I have to admit — I respected it. He was the anti-me. I’ve never had that kind of confidence. For so much of my life, I was wrapped up in the binding chains of negative self-talk.
One of the biggest dangers when it comes to negativity is not the negative words that are spread to you. One the biggest dangers in negativity are the words that you spread in your own mind. Negative self-talk is like sickness in your body. What starts in your mind will spread into every nook and cranny of your being. Negative thoughts and words can literally make you sick. Do you constantly have bad things to say to or about yourself? If you want to get your train running on a positive track, then you have to put the brakes on all the negative self-talk.
As I mentioned earlier I grew up with a very strict conservative set of religious values. I was taught that we are all sinners. Don’t get me wrong, we are flawed for sure. There is definitely a lot of evil in our world. But in my particular religious upbringing, we were taught that we were bad people, that nothing in us was good. I truly thought being humble meant never seeing the good things I did or celebrating the positive traits I held. To this day, praise is one of the hardest things for me to receive. I often catch myself responding to any form of praise with a self-deprecating comment. Now days, when someone pays me a compliment, I’m training my brain to simply say, “Thank you.”
As well-intentioned as my religious advisors were growing up, they helped to instill a belief in me that I was somehow less. As an adult, I’ve spent most of my life believing that I was not smart, not talented, and not truly gifted in any particular area. Now, please hear me. I do not blame my parents, my pastors, my previous religion, or any single factor for my lack of confidence. There are so many fingers that touch the clay of our souls and shape us into who we become. Ultimately, I made choices to listen to my inner voice about who I could or couldn’t be. Self talk will decide your fate for you. That is how powerful the words you say to yourself are. What I wouldn’t give for the confidence of the motorcycle chain artist who just “can’t help it.”
Some people idolize rock stars, movie stars, or sports icons. The other day I praised someone for a small thing they did for me. Guess what that person’s response was? Just two words — “Thank you.” That is who I idolize. People comfortable enough in their own skin to recognize their contributions are significant. I want to be a person who can humbly yet genuinely accept praise for what I have done.
Negative talk can come from so many places. Maybe it was a parent, a teacher, or a mentor who taught you an incorrect way to view yourself and it is still with you today. Maybe you grew up in conditions much worse than my own. Despite our restrictive religious values growing up, my parents loved me supremely and still do to this day. They celebrated victories with me and praised my accomplishments.
Maybe you grew up with parents who constantly made you perform for approval. Or maybe you had parents who never complimented any good you did. Or maybe you had parents who were physically, emotionally, or even verbally abusive. Or maybe you didn’t grow up with parents at all. The point is that we all come from a million different backgrounds. We all have our mental train cars loaded with garbage we have picked up at various loading stations along the way. We have to empty those mental train cars to make room for the positive, uplifting words and beliefs that are awaiting us on the journey ahead. Your shape today definitely has its roots in all the hands that helped form your life. But the great thing about your soul is that the clay never hardens. Soul clay is always malleable and can be remolded.
-Jim